Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
