But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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