He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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