the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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