It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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