DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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