I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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