my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
PANTIES FOUND
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