I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
