Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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