he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
