You're my little dorito
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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