I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
