i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
