I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
People in love make me want to vomit
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
