garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
