You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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