You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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