Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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