this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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