i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
