I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize