I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
