dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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