you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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