That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
