you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
