The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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