Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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