Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize