How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
