I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
