the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize