Tell her she can't have a vagina
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
