Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
