I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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