Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
