Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
