About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize