So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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