we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
