farters have to be the big spoon...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
