I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Ladies don't puke and tell
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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