I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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