I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
cat food counts as protein by the way
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize