two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
