You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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