Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
