its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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