Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
