just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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