Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
