you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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