Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
