"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize