New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
