It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm both gender and math confused
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
