I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
