I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize