last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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