bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
