Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
