That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
