I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
