omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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