do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
