did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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