And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
