oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
