You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
