forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
