I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Less talking, more tequila
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
