I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
