Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize