My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
