I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
