But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
