people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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