I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize