i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
im six kinds of drunk right now
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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