You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
