wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize