it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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