drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
