It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
