Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize