see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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