The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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