I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
