This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
