The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
