If i come over, it means nothing
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
