All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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