I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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