watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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