Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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