he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize