Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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