no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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