Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Randomize
