sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
