After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
