hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
