Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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