where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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