And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
